Doctors and Donors

This is a long one.

Today is CD20. I had my appointment with Dr. H this past week. My uterus looks great and is now officially open for business!!

During the ultrasound, we looked at my ovaries and she said it looked like I ovulated a couple days before. I had about 9 follicles on each ovary, but one was really big and floppy (for lack of a better word) and full of liquid. She said that’s typically what a follicle looks like after an egg is released. So then we discussed our game plan for the next cycle. One thing that bugs me a bit about Dr. H is she seems to push for IVF a lot. She mentioned the cost of sperm and how after so many IUI tries, IVF is actually cheaper. Yes, I’m aware of this, but I’d still like to start off with the less invasive option, thank you very much. We discussed med options, but we agreed my eggs seem to grow well on their own so we’re holding off on Clomid. For now.

Here’s the plan (eek!). I’ll have a monitored cycle with no drugs, BUT we will use a trigger shot. I told her the most stressful part of this whole process to me is the timing. So I’ll call on CD1 and make an appointment for CD11, where we’ll check out my follicles and see how they’re growing. Depending on their size, we’ll continue to monitor them until she gives me the go ahead to trigger. And then IUI 24-36 hours later! It’s actually happening! The pharmacy even called to let me know my prescription for the trigger was filled and I should pick it up this week. 4 months after our first appointment with the fertility clinic, we will finally fucking inseminate. I’m actually a little relieved that we missed this cycle. With my body’s on/off bleeding and healing, I just feel better about letting it complete a full cycle before we try.

I saw V, my acupuncturist this week also. She’s changing the direction of my treatment now. Up until this week, she’s focused on moving my qi, increasing circulation to my uterus, and cleansing my body of toxins, old blood, etc. Now she’d focused on nourishing and building my blood up. There were more needles in my abdomen area this treatment (with lots of zings coming off them!) and I have some new herbs to drink each day. The last herbs were smelly but not too bad taste-wise. These new ones are awful. Awful! But I saw results from the last herbs, so I will force myself to drink these. I feel ok taking this stuff since I won’t be on any fertility drugs next cycle. No need to worry about mixing treatments just yet.

Last update is about our donor, Mr. Buddha.

I broke a rule in the “Lesbians Trying to Make a Baby” manual – Don’t get attached to the donor. Well, damn it if I didn’t become enamored with Mr. Buddha’s DNA.

We got a phone call early this week that Mr. Buddha has hit his family limit. They actually gave him a lower limit because they had a limited number of vials. (I assume this means he has declined donating more?) They have to keep a certain number of vials for the Sibling Inventory, so all remaining vials are being held for those that have already become pregnant with his sperm. Fuck. We can either get a full refund or exchange the vials we purchased with another donor.

We’ve looked through the online catalog but here’s where we’re stuck. This local sperm bank has a smaller inventory. We found a couple other donors we like, BUT they’re not a part of the Identity Release program (where the kid can get their name and contact info from the sperm bank once they’re 18). Of those that are in the program, we didn’t find any that we were crazy about. I feel pretty strongly about the donor needing to be in the program, but S doesn’t. I think a part of that is her being the non-biological mom and a slight fear that the kiddo will one day look for their “father” and she’ll be the odd person out. Our sperm bank has done some studies and it seems a really small percentage of kids actually try to make contact, but I feel like we shouldn’t take that choice away from our hypothetical kid. Do we pick an anonymous donor that has the qualities we’re looking for? Or one that’s in the program, but is missing some of our “must-haves”? Or just get a refund and use another sperm bank with a bigger inventory?

Any advice? Anyone using an anonymous donor or have strong feelings about this? How did you balance your desires for your future kiddo while also making sure your partner felt secure and fully involved in the process?

Thanks ladies!